I'm Baaaack!

Back in China.

I haven't written for a while because this website is blocked in China and I had to get around that and also get internet access in my room here.

Beijing was ok. We ended up having to stay for 2 more days than planned becasue we couldn't get train tickets until then. It was nice to slack off for a few extra days and get over the jet lag before hard-core training again. Mel and I both had 2 heavy suitcases each and I was soooo grateful that some friends came to meet us in Beijing and they helped us carry our junk. We brought a lot of stuff!

We've been in Wudang for about a week now and it's been really intense! It's really hot and muggy so even if you aren't training, you're hot and sticky all the time. On top of that our training has been pretty tough. I'm literally dripping sweat in every class. We do basics like kicks, stances, jumps, running, push-ups, the usual suspects, then we practice forms for about an hour. Same as before when I was here except that now the traditional class (3 or 5 year program) gets to do extra stuff on top of that like drilling forms, lots of jumping, burpees, really low stances, squats....a bunch of really hard stuff. I'm really glad we came a few weeks early, it's going to be difficult enough as it is.

Mel and I have our own room with a bathroom so we don't have to share with a bunch of smelly dudes. I think that's about it for special treatment though, Sifu is definitely not going to take it easy on us!

Whew....Ok so last night Mel and I had a little going away party and invited a bunch of people to come out. There was a really nice turnout but I felt like I was able to spend some time with everyone. It was a really great night overall. A few of my friends got teary eyed when saying good bye and it made me feel a little sad. I've kind of been avoiding thinking about everyone I'll be leaving behind but it was right there in my face last night. Now I'm feeling a bit blue, I know I'm really going to miss everyone. I'm really lucky in that most of the people in my life are amazing and special. That's what makes this stuff so difficult. I'm really dreading saying good bye to my parents! I know it's going to be the hardest one of all and I'm probably going to cry like a baby. I feel sad not only for myself but there is also some guilt and sadness mixed in for moving so far away from them.

"Hey Mom and Dad, how about you support me in pretty much every way imaginable (short of carrying me around) while I go off to the other side of the world and follow my dream while leaving you here to fend for yourselves"...yeah I feel like a jerk.

China...I leave in 3 days and I'm excited, sad, nervous, happy, guilty, and a million other emotions all bundled up together.

What Kung Fu Has Done For Me

This is a very brief excerpt of some thoughts I've had on the subject:

-Kung Fu has given me the confidence to try new things, take risks, and stand up for what I believe in.

-Kung Fu has brought more purpose and meaning to my life.

-Kung Fu has provided me with healthy goals and the tools I need to achieve them.

-Kung Fu is always there for me. Even If I neglect it for a while it is always waiting for me when I come back to it. A comfort and a Joy.

-Kung fu has turned my body into something fit and healthy that provides me with fun and opportunities. It has turned brought steadiness and perceptiveness to my mind, and turned my heart into a playfully seeking flame.

-Kung fu inspires me. When I feel inspired I can bring this to others.

-Kung fu has given me a second family comprised of teachers, students, and training partners. We work together to become better people.

-Kung fu makes a bad day good and a good day even better.

-Kung fu wakes me up when I am sleepwalking through life.

-Kung fu provides me with the peace of mind to deal with life's joys and sorrows and to stay centered throughout.

It's getting harder and harder to say good bye to everyone.

I am not someone who likes to talk about my feelings. I don't do the whole showing people I care thing. So now I'm really trying to open up and let the people in my life know that I care about them. It's really hard. So many times I can't find the words. I'm not even sure exactly what most of the people in my life mean to me.

The book I'm reading right now is helping me to deal with it though. Thich Nhat Hahn, The art of Power. He speaks about being fully present with those you love and really being mindful of the time you spend together. That way when one of you is gone, you won't feel any regret for not expressing your love to them. So thinking about that helps me know that I can show my loved ones how I feel

Endings and Beginnings

So I leave Edmonton in 21 days and it's really starting to hit me. I'm finishing up all my unfinished business, making sure to spend time with the people I care about, getting rid of any stuff that isn't important,slowly packing things away, and getting ready for a whole new kind of life. It feels a little bit like I'm preparing to die, like I've been given 21 days to live and now I'm trying to squeeze it all in. I'm not feeling sad, just different, and it's made me think a lot about life and death lately. I realize that although I'm not afraid of dying, I have a lot to do before I'd feel ready for that. I have much to accomplish and many people to help before my time here is done. That's why I'm so grateful for the UBBT and for Sifu Brinker, without them pushing me, it'd take way longer to get these things done. The more goals I reach, the closer all the other ones appear. It's pretty cool.

28 days

So vacation was nice. Too short, but nice. Now I'm finding it a little bit difficult to get back into the groove. I've just been doing to bare minimum for my requirements since I got back. I'm not really falling behind but I'm certainly not gaining and I'm not very excited about it either. I think I just need a really tough class to push me and get me pumped up again. I'm hoping BJJ class on Tuesday will fit the bill. I'd say Muay Thai too but I'm too chicken because it tends to be really intense no matter what.

I did have a really relaxing time and I'm glad that I got to spend more time with my family. I've been thinking a lot lately about how much I'm going to miss them when I leave. It makes me feel sad so I try not to dwell on it but I am aware that it's inevitable, I'm going to get sad sometimes. I hope that having skype will make it a little less painful and I'm relieved that we'll be coming back in February for a visit. Until we leave my plan is just to cherish every moment we have.

Vacation!!!

I leave for a short vacation the day after tomorrow. This will be the first family vacation I've gone on since I was a teenager I think. I'm SO excited! I'll continue to train while I'm away but I admit I'm excited to let some of the bruises fade and not get thrown or squished for a few days. I plan to keep up with my push-ups and sit-ups, miles, sparring, forms, and acts of kindness. I'd also like to spend some time on my tai chi form, it needs work.

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess what else? The place we're staying at has a HOT TUB......