The meditation retreat went very well. I ended up doing it for 5 days and I kind of wanted to keep going but also felt the need to get moving again. It felt really good to go to training after sitting so much.

It was so much easier to go without food when I was just by myself, normally I get kind of grouchy if I don't eat but it actually felt really good to eat so lightly. It was also so much easier to sit without being crammed into a room with 20 people. If I was in pain I could stand up and walk around for a minute and it was much more comfortable after that. I sat for as long as I wanted to each time, sometimes longer than others, I read a lot, wrote in a journal, I went for a few walks on the mountain behind the school, it was so nice. Being alone so much was amazing in itself. Overall I had a great experience.

As far as my goals went, I think I definitely achieved them. I did cleanse physically but I think emotionally and energetically as well. I feel so much lighter now and just more...myself. It's hard to explain but I felt like I was holding on to some stuff and that I couldn't fully relax and be natural. It took a few days but eventually I was able to release it. My other goal was a little more vague, to get in touch with some inner guidance, but I managed to do that too. It's actually even more difficult to explain but I was able to figure a couple of things out on my own, without consulting a book, teacher, or even friend. I'll need to do a lot more of that after returning home so I wanted to get started now and kind of get to know my inner teacher.

Speaking of inner teachers, everyone should watch the movie Kumare. I've seen it 3 times, it's amazing.

This week I'll be doing a meditation retreat, the first time I've ever done anything like this alone. Not that I'll be far from people, I'll still be in the school, just steps from my neighbors, but my classmates won't be meditating together with me. I'm curious to see what difference that makes in my experience, real alone time is something pretty rare around here. I'm also setting my own schedule and tailoring certain aspects to suit me more. Normally we restrict ourselves to consuming mostly medicinal teas and fruit, occasionally the school will make a special 'light' meal for us but it's usually still pretty oily and salty (like all food in China) so I don't like it much. This time I'm experimenting with reducing my sugar intake even more by eating less fruit and replacing it with herbal vegetable broth. I'm not sure but I think that will be more nourishing and warming, thus easier on my digestive system.

My intention here is to combine a bit of a physical cleanse with a mental/emotional one. I wouldn't say I'm someone with a lot of baggage but anything as challenging as these last 5 years have been is bound to cause growing pains. I'd like to let go of some of that stuff. Hopefully in doing so, I can continue to grow in as healthy as way as possible (my main goal for this year was to be happier and healthier). In releasing my past I'd like to become more relaxed and aware in the present and learn to trust in my own guidance.

I'm not sure how long this retreat will last, I'm going to play it be ear, but I'll be sure to write a bit about it after I'm done.