We found out this week that swords can no longer be shipped in the mail from China so now our whole class is getting ready to leave, packing up and sending things home and it really throws a wrench in things. Mel and I really wanted to avoid having to take our practice weapons to Thailand with us but we may have to in the end. It's not a huge deal but it is pretty frustrating, just another thing to dislike about living here. I had a little rant when I found out but I was really only annoyed for about 15 minutes, which I thought was pretty alright. My mental/emotional state seems to have improved so much in the last couple years, all that meditating and tai ji must be paying off! I think I'll really notice the changes when I get back home and start living a relatively normal life again. I hope I can find a way to continue to improve. Scratch that, I know I can find a way, because it's important to me. Then, later, I can help others to do the same.

It's been several weeks since I blogged so I thought I'd better get back on that wagon. Our internet's been a pain in the butt lately, China has increased it's firewall due to political stuff and now the internet is ridiculously slow. I know there's no guarantee of fast internet with no interruptions at home but there's a tendency after living here for so long to attribute all problems to simply the fact that 'this is China'. We say that A LOT.

Summer has officially started. We're all sleeping with our fans on and eating more ice cream. One of the students who's staying here is a TCM herbalist and masseuse and on his recommendation I've started taking a herbal formula to "clear heat and dampness". So much of what I hate about summer here is a difficulty on my part to physically adapt to changes in the environment. It's hard to sleep, I get frequent stomach problems, lethargy, irritability, etc. and these symptoms in TCM can be attributed to excess heat and damp. I'm just taking a very low dosage but it seems to be working quite well and I'm more comfortable and more pleasant to be around....so far anyway. Herbal medicine can be so cool.

Less than 3 months left now. Pretty exciting....

The meditation retreat went very well. I ended up doing it for 5 days and I kind of wanted to keep going but also felt the need to get moving again. It felt really good to go to training after sitting so much.

It was so much easier to go without food when I was just by myself, normally I get kind of grouchy if I don't eat but it actually felt really good to eat so lightly. It was also so much easier to sit without being crammed into a room with 20 people. If I was in pain I could stand up and walk around for a minute and it was much more comfortable after that. I sat for as long as I wanted to each time, sometimes longer than others, I read a lot, wrote in a journal, I went for a few walks on the mountain behind the school, it was so nice. Being alone so much was amazing in itself. Overall I had a great experience.

As far as my goals went, I think I definitely achieved them. I did cleanse physically but I think emotionally and energetically as well. I feel so much lighter now and just more...myself. It's hard to explain but I felt like I was holding on to some stuff and that I couldn't fully relax and be natural. It took a few days but eventually I was able to release it. My other goal was a little more vague, to get in touch with some inner guidance, but I managed to do that too. It's actually even more difficult to explain but I was able to figure a couple of things out on my own, without consulting a book, teacher, or even friend. I'll need to do a lot more of that after returning home so I wanted to get started now and kind of get to know my inner teacher.

Speaking of inner teachers, everyone should watch the movie Kumare. I've seen it 3 times, it's amazing.

This week I'll be doing a meditation retreat, the first time I've ever done anything like this alone. Not that I'll be far from people, I'll still be in the school, just steps from my neighbors, but my classmates won't be meditating together with me. I'm curious to see what difference that makes in my experience, real alone time is something pretty rare around here. I'm also setting my own schedule and tailoring certain aspects to suit me more. Normally we restrict ourselves to consuming mostly medicinal teas and fruit, occasionally the school will make a special 'light' meal for us but it's usually still pretty oily and salty (like all food in China) so I don't like it much. This time I'm experimenting with reducing my sugar intake even more by eating less fruit and replacing it with herbal vegetable broth. I'm not sure but I think that will be more nourishing and warming, thus easier on my digestive system.

My intention here is to combine a bit of a physical cleanse with a mental/emotional one. I wouldn't say I'm someone with a lot of baggage but anything as challenging as these last 5 years have been is bound to cause growing pains. I'd like to let go of some of that stuff. Hopefully in doing so, I can continue to grow in as healthy as way as possible (my main goal for this year was to be happier and healthier). In releasing my past I'd like to become more relaxed and aware in the present and learn to trust in my own guidance.

I'm not sure how long this retreat will last, I'm going to play it be ear, but I'll be sure to write a bit about it after I'm done.

It's May 1st here and that means it's only 4 months left until we're done. I've been making so much progress since I've started practicing on my own more and it's so exciting! In a way it makes the 4 months seem too short, wish I'd done this a year ago. haha.

So with all this freedom, I'm working on fixing some bad habits I have, healing my old injuries, and some strength and flexibility stuff which is all really great. The best thing of all though is that I have the chance to really discover my own style, my own way of doing things that best suits my body and my temperament. For years I have been struggling to imitate my teacher as much a possible, an important step, but now in order to truly become a 'master' I need to integrate those lessons into who I am as a person and a martial artist. I'm finally starting to get a hint of what that is, there's a long way to go still but it's already making a huge difference in how I feel about my kung fu. It's a little like the movie Kung Fu Panda when he finally gets the scroll and it's empty, Tigress tells him that the 'secret is you' and he sees his reflection. I know it sounds cliche but I really understand how he felt in that scene. I am just starting to get a sense of my kung fu and I have a growing confidence that it is enough and good and right for me.

Just a few thoughts that have been floating around in my head lately.

It's been raining a lot these past 2 weeks or so and as a result we've mostly been training indoors. It's basically impossible to do weapons forms or a number of empty hand forms in our space, even just finding a few square feet can be a challenge. Our training is a lot different, for basics we might still do kicks or stances, but we might also practice jump kicks, rolls, or acrobatics. There are a few weights (with missing pieces of course) and a chin up bar, as well as a whole bunch of smelly, old pads we can use. As a result I've been doing more strength training and acrobatics (if you can call what I do acrobatic that is) and less forms and stretching. It's kind of fun to have a shift of focus like this sometimes. I still have quite a bit of time to myself and I'm enjoying that too. It'll feel really good when it clears up to train outside again though, I'm looking forward to that.

A good friend will be arriving here this week so I'm excited. I miss my girlfriends at home sometimes and she sort of fills that gap when she's here. I love my classmates but there is something different about spending time with women that I miss out on while I'm here. Thank goodness for Mel! It can be hard to make female friends here because some of the guys are always in such a competition to try to get close to the ladies. It's ridiculous to watch, actually. Anyway, I'm happy Rachael will be here.

I just thought I'd include an update on the glute strengthening program I started almost a month ago. Originally, I started researching how to strengthen my lower back but I came across a really interesting article which said that proportionally weaker gluteus muscles could contribute to lower back pain and also knee pain (both of which I have suffered from on many occasions) along with lots of other problems. Here is the link to that article:

http://functionalresistancetraining.com/articles/re-activating-and-strengthening-the-gluteal-muscles

So after reading that I scoured the internet for exercises I could try that would strengthen these muscles. I read a lot. I tried a lot. I noticed a difference after the very first day. My knee pain was gone almost immediately. My lower back pain was gone quickly too. I embarked on a quest to learn how my glutes worked, what it felt like to use them, and try to correct a long time imbalance. I practiced walking slowly, doing tai chi, and climbing stairs while engaging my gluteus muscles, I became obsessed and talked to anyone who would listen about it. I was so excited to finally have found a solution to not just one problem, but many!!

Here's my favorite of all the exercises, I do this in 3 sets of 12 or 15 twice a week:

http://www.inspiredfitstrong.com/2012/blog/the-single-leg-deadlift-why-to-do-it-and-how-to-do-it/

So check out the first article and if it sounds like you, give some glute strengthening a try. It could be life changing!