whew.

Ok so I leave in 3 days and although I'm still nervous, I'm feeling better. Yesterday the bank called me because there was a problem with the money wire that I sent to China. I was so worried! I managed to work myself up into a pretty anxious state thinking about all the things that could go wrong from there and lots of what ifs. It turns out that the money is already in China but they can't release it unless they have the correct name for the recipient. So I got that information and it should be all good now. I had myself all worked up over something fairly minor. It's funny now.

Yesterday a co-worker gave me some very helpful words. She said that the reason traveling changes you so much is that it takes you out of your comfort zone. You have to be flexible and open to opportunities and changes because things don't always go the way you planned. She said that sometimes you may be disappointed if something doesn't work out but it may create a whole new adventure for you that you'd never imagined before. She said that dealing with these challenges is what makes you grow into a better person and growing is often uncomfortable. She said that this was the beginning of my adventure to deal with the bank and that the changes were already starting. It made me feel a lot better to hear that. She's right, I'm going to have to do things that I don't like and I'll be better for it. So I guess I'd better get used to it now!

Also thanks Sifu Playter for your comment on my last post. I keep reminding myself to be bold, it helps.

Overall everyone has been great. Very supportive. I'm going to miss you all and be really excited to see you when I come back!

ahhhhh!

Is it normal to be really nervous and full of doubts the week before you leave on a huge trip? I'm trying to stay positive and feel excited but I'm kind of freaking out a bit inside. There's nothing that I can think of that could happen that we couldn't deal with but I still have this feeling of general anxiety. I sure hope it goes away soon!

I think we have everything we need and are prepared well...so why is my stomach in knots? I guess it could be partly because I'm super busy right up until the day we leave so it's a lot to remember and take care of.

Anyways, I must go to work. I'll let you know when I start to feel better.

Fire in my belly

I felt really good at class tonight. There's definitely a momentum building at the school, it's almost palpable.

I've decided on my charitable project for my China trip. I did some research and discovered that there is an orphanage in the town we're staying in so my sister Melanie and I are going to volunteer there to spend time with the kids and also help out if there's any supplies they need. Today I bought a video camera (which is funny because we were given a video project in class tonight) so I can film not only the orphanage but our trip in general. I hope to make it into a movie when I get back (with a bit of help) so that everyone who wants to can see what we experienced.

I'm getting so excited! Partly about the trip and partly about being a student member of UBBT 6 which starts between now and January. I'm a bit nervous just because I'll be away when it starts so I won't have that much access to Master Brinker and the rest of the team if I need help or advice. I'll be posting at least once a week though so I won't be totally cut off and I'm sure I'll be able to get the training in since that's pretty much all we'll be doing for most of the trip. I'm really looking forward to the meditation aspect of it. I've tried meditation before and I've only felt "successful" at it a couple of times, mostly I get distracted. At Wudang though we'll be meditating every day for over an hour with an experienced taoist teacher. I'll be so peaceful and serene when I get back!

I'm reading this really great book right now that I highly recommend. It's called On the Warrior's Path by Daniele Bolelli. It's interesting because although I don't necessarily agree with everything he says, there are certain parts that put into words so perfectly what the martial arts are really about. I was reading it this morning and was almost in tears because I was so moved and inspired by one chapter in particular. I hope that I can develop as much eloquence, honesty, and grace in expressing myself as this author has. Check it out, it's worth a read.

"Forging spirit and character can take years but it is only the preparation before the real battle. Many people train and prepare by walking along the way of the warrior, but never discover, or maybe just forget, what battle they have been training for. The battle rages in front of their eyes and they don't even realize it. The small psychodramas of daily life distract them to the point of taking away their global vision and making them forget why they set out walking along the warriors path in the first place. The battle is against mental limits, dullness, short-sightedness. It is against resignation, greed, sadness. Against all those powers that separate human beings from happiness. The warrior doesn't walk into battle only for himself. The warrior fights for everything and everyone. He views the destiny of the entire planet as a personal matter. As a warrior you are given weapons very few people posses. The self-confidence of a wild animal, a spirit that can't be broken, the tranquility of one whose roots are too deep to be disturbed by minor events. If you don't change the world, certainly nobody else will."

ninja!

I'm really getting excited about my trip. I leave on the 20th and it'll be a busy few weeks until then. I'm making an effort to see everyone I can before I go and take care of things you should do before a long trip like go to the dentist and all that fun stuff. So it's gonna be pretty crazy until then.

We have a 2 day layover in Tokyo on the way there and we booked our hostel for it the other night. I'm so stoked. We're going to pig out on sushi and ramen! I love Japanese food. We're also going to check out some shinto shrines. Hopefully we can see an anime while we're there too! Then it's on to Shanghai. From there we'll be travelling up the coast by train to Beijing to see the sights and meet up with a few friends. Then we go to see the Shaolin temple and some buddhist sights before we make our way to the place we'll be training for 3 months.

On a side note a lovely friend made me an adorable little stuffed ninja as a going away gift. It's super cute! Thanks Rhonda.

I'll be featuring this little guy in my travel pictures so you'll see him again.

Less than a month until I leave!

It's been a while since I've written. There have been several times where I've opened this page with the intention of saying something but then I see my post about Travis Panasiuk and anything else seems so insignificant. I can't explain it but it just felt like I wasn't ready to have a different topic at the top of my page. I tend to hold things like this inside for a while before I can process them.

However, I've been up to a lot these past few weeks. Preparations are under way for our trip to China. We've had our immunizations and we're finishing up all those little details that need to be taken care of before we leave. Every day I get more and more excited and I really can't wait until we embark on our fabulous adventure! I'm also a little sad to be leaving the people that I care about but I know that the time will fly by and I'll be with them again in no time. I really wish that I could take everyone with me, then I'd have the best of both worlds. I think it will be quite simple to keep in touch though and I will be checking email and posting on here at least once a week so I hope to keep you all updated on what fun stuff we're up to.

I agreed with Master Brinker that I would do some kind of project while I am over there to help the Chinese people and/or raise awareness here. I'm struggling with finding a direction for this project. I'd like to have at least a vague idea of a plan before I leave. I tried to get in touch with Sifu Kris Olsvik to see if he had any suggestions but he hasn't replied yet. Our instructor over there Sifu Yuan suggested that perhaps we could donate money to the school in his town to help out the kids. It seems like a nice idea but there's something missing. I also had the thought of taking a video camera and making a movie so everyone could see what it's really like in China. I'm going to arrange a meeting with Master Brinker to discuss it but if anyone has any ideas please let me know. I can use all the help I can get.

It feels good to be posting again. I'll be happy to continue doing so while I'm away.

In memory of Travis Panasiuk

On Thursday we at Silent River kung fu lost a true friend. Travis Panasiuk was one of the most dedicated students I've ever met. I admired him immensely.

Some of you may remember my posting back in the spring about how Mr. Panasiuk performed a three sectional staff form at our Tiger challenge tournament. I was so impressed by his guts as well as his technique. I never would have dreamed of attempting something like that as a yellow belt. That was the kind of person Travis was, he didn't seem to be afraid of looking foolish, he was just so excited about learning kung fu that he'd try anything. I am trying to be more like that.

I remember seeing him at lion dance practice way back and being surprised to see such a new student pushing himself so much. Travis loved kung fu so much that he took every opportunity to train that was available to him. San sou, open training, lion dance, demos, you name it, he was there. He didn't just train though, he volunteered and gave as much as he could to this school. He was there constantly during renovations and doing anything he could to help. I was fortunate to spend an entire day with him last Friday during the day. We talked and got to know each other better. He was really funny and intelligent. I am so grateful that we had that time alone together, I am a better person from having known him.

A few weeks ago Danielle invited me to see a play with her and Travis. We had a really good time and after the show we walked and talked. It was the only time I ever hung out with him outside of kung fu and it was a lot of fun. I wish now that I'd done more of that. I feel like I was just getting to know him and appreciate him as a person, not just as an awesome student. What I did learn about him though was that he was easy going, passionate, and funny. We shared a nerdy interest in anime and had a good time comparing notes and recommending a few to each other. I'm glad we had that connection, however brief.

Travis was on the fast track to black belt and put the rest of us to shame with his work ethic. The other day I was feeling lazy and unenthusiastic about kung fu. I was wondering how I could re-ignite the spark. After hearing about Travis' accident, I feel ashamed that someone so passionate is now gone and I am feeling mopey and sorry for myself. I will strive to embody as much as I can of his dedication when I approach my kung fu. Anything less would be disrespectful to his memory.

A friend offered me some comforting words last night. He said that when someone so good is taken away from us so young, perhaps they are needed elsewhere to inspire even more people. Though it is painful to say good bye, Travis helped us all a lot and my thoughts are with him wherever he is now.

26 000!

So the other day I decided to check where I was at with my push-ups to see how many more days I had to go. After adding them all up I realized that I was done! I have completed 26 250 push-ups in under 26 weeks and I feel great about it. It almost seems like it's not such a big deal because I've gotten so used to doing them but when I think about 6 straight months of doing 150 per day, it is pretty cool! When I started back in March I really wanted to not only improve my strength but mostly to improve my discipline. I definitely think that I've done that. I've never been more consistent in my life than I have been lately and I have every intention of continuing to improve.

All in all I'm very happy with myself. I love the feeling of accomplishing a goal and knowing that I did my best and have something to be proud of. There's not much that's better than this.