SO HOT!

It's hard to think of anything else to say. It's that hot where you don't want to eat and you wake up all sweaty in the middle of the night. I wouldn't mind training in the heat if I knew I had a comfortable place to shower and sleep. Once again, I am reminded how fortunate I am at home.

Well, I had a wonderful week off. Simon and I stayed in a fancy hotel on Hainan island in the south China sea and we really relaxed while we were there. Lots of swimming, eating, watching a few movies, and just spending time together before he moved home to Texas and I came back here for the last month and a half of training. We ended up staying an extra day due to a huge typhoon that cancelled all flights to and from the island for a day. It was nice to have an extra day but also insane to be in the middle of a crazy typhoon and then deal with re-booking flights and all that jazz. I still dream about the storm, I guess it made a really big impression on my unconscious mind.

So now I'm back here at the school just in time for the peak of summer heat, Mel's gone on her trip so I'm alone in the room, which is peaceful, but I'd enjoy it more if I wasn't sweating 24/7. It's actually hotter here than it was in Hainan and there's no refreshing ocean breezes. So it's not always hotter the closer you go to the equator. Who knew? Only another 6 weeks though so I just keep reminding myself of that. The fact that I know Simon is already at home starting his new life makes it harder to be here, I really want to go home too, but I do have Thailand to look forward to.

So that's the recap. Had a good trip....sweating up a storm in Wudang...counting down the weeks.

We booked our flights to Thailand yesterday. Mel and I are both very excited. I can't believe it's only 2 months away. Those two months will fly by too. Next week I'm taking a week off and then, when I get back, Mel will leave a few days later for her vacation. By the time she gets back it'll be August and we're going to have lots to do to get ready to leave. So basically, we're almost done.

I am enjoying training though, in spite of the summer heat, and we've got even more freedom now. It's great because everyone can focus on what they choose for this last little while. Many of us have got little projects we're working on in class and outside of it which is good because we all really want to get out of here! Having something else to think about is important. So far this year I've definitely made a lot of progress on my goals to be healthier and happier, I'm learning more about myself and what I need to do to reach a great physical and mental state. These lessons we learn about ourselves while we're here are what's really important. More important than speed or strength.

We found out this week that swords can no longer be shipped in the mail from China so now our whole class is getting ready to leave, packing up and sending things home and it really throws a wrench in things. Mel and I really wanted to avoid having to take our practice weapons to Thailand with us but we may have to in the end. It's not a huge deal but it is pretty frustrating, just another thing to dislike about living here. I had a little rant when I found out but I was really only annoyed for about 15 minutes, which I thought was pretty alright. My mental/emotional state seems to have improved so much in the last couple years, all that meditating and tai ji must be paying off! I think I'll really notice the changes when I get back home and start living a relatively normal life again. I hope I can find a way to continue to improve. Scratch that, I know I can find a way, because it's important to me. Then, later, I can help others to do the same.

It's been several weeks since I blogged so I thought I'd better get back on that wagon. Our internet's been a pain in the butt lately, China has increased it's firewall due to political stuff and now the internet is ridiculously slow. I know there's no guarantee of fast internet with no interruptions at home but there's a tendency after living here for so long to attribute all problems to simply the fact that 'this is China'. We say that A LOT.

Summer has officially started. We're all sleeping with our fans on and eating more ice cream. One of the students who's staying here is a TCM herbalist and masseuse and on his recommendation I've started taking a herbal formula to "clear heat and dampness". So much of what I hate about summer here is a difficulty on my part to physically adapt to changes in the environment. It's hard to sleep, I get frequent stomach problems, lethargy, irritability, etc. and these symptoms in TCM can be attributed to excess heat and damp. I'm just taking a very low dosage but it seems to be working quite well and I'm more comfortable and more pleasant to be around....so far anyway. Herbal medicine can be so cool.

Less than 3 months left now. Pretty exciting....

The meditation retreat went very well. I ended up doing it for 5 days and I kind of wanted to keep going but also felt the need to get moving again. It felt really good to go to training after sitting so much.

It was so much easier to go without food when I was just by myself, normally I get kind of grouchy if I don't eat but it actually felt really good to eat so lightly. It was also so much easier to sit without being crammed into a room with 20 people. If I was in pain I could stand up and walk around for a minute and it was much more comfortable after that. I sat for as long as I wanted to each time, sometimes longer than others, I read a lot, wrote in a journal, I went for a few walks on the mountain behind the school, it was so nice. Being alone so much was amazing in itself. Overall I had a great experience.

As far as my goals went, I think I definitely achieved them. I did cleanse physically but I think emotionally and energetically as well. I feel so much lighter now and just more...myself. It's hard to explain but I felt like I was holding on to some stuff and that I couldn't fully relax and be natural. It took a few days but eventually I was able to release it. My other goal was a little more vague, to get in touch with some inner guidance, but I managed to do that too. It's actually even more difficult to explain but I was able to figure a couple of things out on my own, without consulting a book, teacher, or even friend. I'll need to do a lot more of that after returning home so I wanted to get started now and kind of get to know my inner teacher.

Speaking of inner teachers, everyone should watch the movie Kumare. I've seen it 3 times, it's amazing.

This week I'll be doing a meditation retreat, the first time I've ever done anything like this alone. Not that I'll be far from people, I'll still be in the school, just steps from my neighbors, but my classmates won't be meditating together with me. I'm curious to see what difference that makes in my experience, real alone time is something pretty rare around here. I'm also setting my own schedule and tailoring certain aspects to suit me more. Normally we restrict ourselves to consuming mostly medicinal teas and fruit, occasionally the school will make a special 'light' meal for us but it's usually still pretty oily and salty (like all food in China) so I don't like it much. This time I'm experimenting with reducing my sugar intake even more by eating less fruit and replacing it with herbal vegetable broth. I'm not sure but I think that will be more nourishing and warming, thus easier on my digestive system.

My intention here is to combine a bit of a physical cleanse with a mental/emotional one. I wouldn't say I'm someone with a lot of baggage but anything as challenging as these last 5 years have been is bound to cause growing pains. I'd like to let go of some of that stuff. Hopefully in doing so, I can continue to grow in as healthy as way as possible (my main goal for this year was to be happier and healthier). In releasing my past I'd like to become more relaxed and aware in the present and learn to trust in my own guidance.

I'm not sure how long this retreat will last, I'm going to play it be ear, but I'll be sure to write a bit about it after I'm done.