Honor

Around the time I started this blog I wrote a post about keeping promises to myself. I mentioned that I'd heard that every time you break a promise to yourself, you lose trust in yourself. I'd decided to rebuild that trust by purposely making and keeping promises to myself. Well it's been over a year since then and I notice a big difference in the way I act and feel.

I want people to know that if I say I will do something, I'll do it. I have proven to myself and others that I can be relied on to keep my word. The UBBT has helped me with this by forcing me to make a lot of sacrifices in order to do what I set out to do. This means a lot to me. I am much more honest and I approach things with more depth and seriousness than I did previously. I can no longer casually agree to something and then flake out later on. That would be dishonorable. Maybe it is an old fashioned concept but I think that I have regained some honor. I mean, who really has, or cares about, honor anymore? Not many people ever think about it. I do though and it's something that becomes more and more important to me every day.

On a side note, I want to thank Sifu Brinker for helping me put things in perspective last week. You are one of the most honorable people I have ever met.

Dealing with stress

On Thursday I had a really intense 2 hour BJJ class. I basically got beat down the whole time, which is what happens pretty much every time I go to that class, but it's not usually such a long class. Well after that I was too tired and discouraged to do a Muay Thai class. I was dissapointed in myself though. Then when I went home I added up all my hours and I'm just half done my BJJ requirements and a quarter on the Muay Thai. Well all of that piled on top of the stress of getting ready for a 5 year trip and I had a bit of a meltdown. I've been overwhelmed at more than one point on this journey before but this was really discouraging. I realized that I still have a ridiculous amount of work ahead of me and only about 6 weeks to do it all in. It seems impossible.

First, I talked to my mom about it and she gave me some wise words and loving encouragement. Then I called Sifu Brinker and scheduled a meeting with him. We talked about where I was with my goals and what I had already achieved. He brought up the progress I'd made since Mel and I came back from China and reminded me that without all these overwhelming goals, I would probably never have gotten this far in my training. As usual, he's right.

Well, I feel a lot better now. It's still a stressful situation but I've put it in perspective. I'm still going to try really hard reach my goals but I know that whether I do or not, I'll have done my best and improved a lot.

Wow. It's less than 2 months now until I leave for China. I still have a lot to do. I'm getting really excited but I'm also realizing how far behind I am on certain things. There's a lot of preparation that still needs to be done, not to mention all my student UBBT requirements.

Lately I've been feeling really frustrated with my requirements. BJJ and Muay Thai are a lot of fun but they are taking up most of my training time. I feel like my kung fu is falling by the wayside. I'm only around halfway done my BJJ requirement and even father behind on the Muay Thai so I really need to focus on that stuff if I'm to have any chance at all to succeed in my goals. I do have kung fu related goals but except for sparring they don't require a partner or teacher so I'm on track with those. I find that the requirements that I need a partner for are the hardest to manage. I have a hard time asking others to help me with stuff like this I guess. That's why I'm so glad Sifu Prince suggested our wednesday night sparring sessions. Besides that, they're a lot of fun.

I keep telling myself that I'll be doing kung fu full time for the next five years and to just be patient but I admit that I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself over the whole thing. I just really love kung fu and when I don't have time to practice I really miss it. It's like an old friend that never lets you down and is always there for you when you need it, even if you neglect it for a while.

On a side note Muay thai class on Thursday was insane! We did a circuit with about 20 stations and each station was a minute of whatever the activity was and then a minute of skipping rope with a 15 second break in between. I hate skipping and by the end it was actually a relief to just skip rope for a minute. I've never thrown up from exercise before but I was pretty close at the end of that class. So even though it's not kung fu it is a really good workout.

1000 Acts of Kindness

A few days ago I decided to go back and add up all my acts of kindness. Turns out I'm almost done my requirement! Crazyness. In some ways this requirement has been really easy, I like doing nice things for the people I care about, I can still do them if I'm injured, and they don't take up much time. In other ways it has been quite challenging, it takes some of the naturalness out of the acts and I feel sometimes like taking "credit" for things like this is contrary to the point. It has been interesting to think about. At first I had a hard time deciding what a "real" act of kindness is. Should I not count things that I would normally do? Should they be for strangers only? I ended up counting things that are not part of my usual daily routine and are for anyone, including my family and friends.

There are a few things I've learned from this. Acts of kindness benefit the giver as well as the receiver. I feel really good about myself when I make an effort to help someone else. People really appreciate it. I can't count how many people have thanked me profusely for the small things that I've done for them. Usually they seem surprised that anyone even took notice of them and they also seem to think that I'm a really great person. It doesn't change their minds to tell them that I am required to do things like this, they are still surprised that I would choose them over anyone else to show kindness to. I am realizing how little we normally go out of our way for someone else. It seems like most people spend a lot of time looking out for number one and not taking much time to think of others.

I hope that when this requirement is completed I can continue to do acts of kindness and know that I am doing it from my heart and not because I feel that I have to. I've developed a taste for kindness. And like a taste for blood, it can only be sated with one thing.....