I've been thinking a lot lately about how much is enough and doing your absolute best. I know many people (including me) who rarely try as hard as they can and don't hold anything back.
Personally, I have a tendency to do only as much as will satisfy the expectations others have of me. I know that's how I went through school, with a minimum of effort doing only enough to get by. I would figure out the minimum marks I had to get in order to progress and attempt to do only as much as I had to to get that mark. Obviously it's not a foolproof system and sometimes I messed up but I managed to get through it.
Even when I began Kung Fu I tried this system. I had a certain amount of natural ability and so I basically coasted through to blue belt by again doing only the bare minimum. I didn't realize at the time that I was doing this, it was just a habit, how I did everything in life. Find out what the expectations are and try only to meet, not exceed them. Problem was that I could only progress so far using this system so at blue belt I actually had to start trying. I think it hurt me in the end because I didn't have the discipline built up and had to start from scratch when everyone else was already in the groove of practicing consistently.
There are very few times in my life when I can say that I tried my hardest and gave everything I had. My black belt grading was one of those times. I believe, and Master Brinker can correct me if I'm wrong, that one of the reasons that the grading is set up the way it is with all the fitness testing and grueling evaluations is to force people to do their absolute best. When you're in that high pressure situation for 14 hours pushing yourself physically and mentally, you dig down deep and find a strength and courage you didn't know you possessed.
Since that time I've improved a lot. I now understand that doing good enough is not good enough. I can never know what I am capable of if I hold anything back. I often challenge myself and set goals merely for the sake of achieving them. I practice consistently and have never been in better shape or more on top of my kung fu. My problem now is that I am constantly feeling that I could be doing more, that what I'm doing is not enough. If I practice for an hour and then sit down and watch a movie there's a part of me that's going "I could be stretching right now" or "I should work on my Tai Chi form" or a million other things to that effect. I'm sure that I'm right and I could be doing more but I also know that there's nothing wrong with just watching tv sometimes or spending time with people I care about. This guilt is motivating me to do more and try harder, which is good, but I'd like to be able to turn it off sometimes and fully enjoy myself when I'm doing something just for fun.
